


Dappled Sun on Changing Leaves

by clefairytea



Category: Persona 4
Genre: 6-year-old Girl has Surprising Amount of Issues, Character Study, Gen, Subtle AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:26:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9196052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clefairytea/pseuds/clefairytea
Summary: For the festival, Ms Takahashi wants them all to write a little introduction to themselves and their family, using a few of the kanji they’d been learning, and even draw a picture to go along with it. Ms Takahashi says they’ll put the finished drawings and writings all over the school on the day of the festival, so people walking around can stop to read them and learn a bit about all the different sorts of families in Inaba.She draws a picture of herself, with her big bro and Dad, and she doesn’t know how to explain that her big bro is actually her cousin, but really her big bro, so she just leaves his label at ‘brother’. She doesn’t know how to explain about Mom either, so she just draws her with big angel wings and a halo, floating off the ground.She wonders if she should put Teddie and Chie and Yosuke and the others on it too, but she’s not sure what names there are for those kinds of family members.--In which Nanako's school hosts the arts festival unusually early, Nanako auditions for the school play, and things turn out slightly different than they usually would.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Me:** I should write something easy about characters and stuff that people are actually interested in.  
>  **Me @ me:** Write genfic from the perspective of a 6-year-old girl for a dead fandom.

“Hey, Nanako-chan, what do you think the theme of the school arts festival will be this year?” Honoka says, settling into her seat. Nanako looks up, and then chews the end of her pen as she thinks about it. She had forgotten that the teachers would have decided on the theme this week.

“Oh, I dunno. It was nature last year, right?” she says, biting her lip. She’d heard as much, but she’d been too little then to really do anything.

“Yeah. I don’t want anything _that_ lame!” Honoka says, and then begins chattering to Nanako about what she wanted for the arts festival – mostly involving Featherman characters, or big monsters, or a bunch of other stuff that Nanako doesn’t really think the grown-ups would let them do. She nods and tells Honoka she thinks they’re all great ideas though. She knows it’s not polite to tell people you think their ideas aren’t very good.

Nanako isn’t sure what themes she’d like for the school arts festival. She thinks nature would have been nice. She isn’t allowed to go bug-catching with the boys, but big bro sometimes brings home cool fish and bugs, and she really likes working on their vegetable garden. Other than that, she doesn’t know. The grown-ups probably wouldn’t want them to do anything about Loveline or Risette.

She doesn’t have time to think about it any more, because her homeroom teacher, Ms Takahashi, bustles in with a big folders pressed to her chest, calling for them to sit down.

Nanako isn’t sure she likes Ms Takahashi. She always seems busy, and never seems to know that much what she’s doing, and sometimes all the other kids get really rowdy when she’s in charge. Big bro says that she’s new to being a teacher though, and even though she’s a grown-up she’s apparently not very old at all, and finding being a teacher very hard. Nanako tries hard to be good for her – not that it makes much difference when everyone else acts bad.

“Okay class, settle down, settle down! We’ve decided on a theme for this year’s school arts festival!” Ms Takahashi says, and then turns to write on the blackboard.

Nanako feels herself sink into her seat. Next to her, Honoka sighs, clearly disgusted.

“’Family’?” she groans, and shakes her head, “‘Family’ is even lamer than ‘ _nature’_!”

 

The centrepiece of the festival is the school play – everyone knows that. Everyone’s Moms and Dads come to it, and a bunch of kids from the school have roles in it, and a lot of them stay after school to rehearse, and to help make costumes and props and paint set pieces.

The deadline to sign up is tomorrow, and Nanako still isn’t sure.

“Kind of early in the year for the school arts festival, isn’t it?” Souji says, bring over dinner and setting it in front of her. Some tofu from Risette’s shop in a spicy sauce, a big bowl of rice, and veggies from their garden, coated in crispy batter.

Nanako never used to look forward to dinner, since it was almost always just instant ramen or some bread or rice from Shiroku. Since big bro moved in with them, though, Nanako looks forward to dinner more and more.

“Oh, we always have ours in the summer. The teachers like to have the play outside,” she says, “This is my first festival though. I don’t know, maybe I should just help make props…”

“Do you like acting?” he asks, taking a piece of tempura.

“Mm. I don’t know. I do like singing, and dancing! And there’s usually a lot of that,” Nanako says.

“Then you should go for it.”

“What if I get stage-fright?” she says, “And I’ve have to practice my lines a lot.”

“Hey, I’m in drama club too. You can always practice with me,” he says, but Nanako isn’t sure. She already bugs big bro a lot, and she knows he has a lot of friends and a lot of jobs, and sometimes when he comes home she can tell he doesn’t want to play, he just wants to go to his room and read or work on one of his models. She doesn’t want to be more of a pain than she already is.

Looking at her, Souji gives her a gentle nudge.

“And Rise could always give you advice. She’d probably help you practice too,” he says. Nanako gasps.

“Really? She’d do that?” she says, gasping. Nanako still can’t believe that her big bro is friends with _Risette._ Who’s had concerts and songs and been on TV and in movies and _everything_.

“Of course,” he says, and then grins at her, “Though you’ll have to be careful not to upstage your classmates.”

“I won’t!”

 

The play is about a family that fights and argues all the time, and don’t spend a lot of time together. Then, the daughter finds a stray cat hurt in the street, and decides to bring it home and take care of it. The cat talks, but only to the little girl. Although the little girl is keeping it secret, the big brother and sister find out and help, and even the Mom and Dad pretend they don’t know its there while giving it little scraps. When the cat goes missing at the end of the play, they all go out and try to find it. It turns out the cat left because it thinks the family doesn’t need it any more, and the whole family says they do, and they all go home happily.

Souji agrees that it’s the best play ever.

They have real auditions, just like a proper play. Everyone has to get up and do a performance, to help decide what role they’ll be in. A few people act out bits of other plays, or say lines from Loveline or other TV shows. Nanako sings a song and does a dance to go along with it. She practiced a lot at home, but she’s still nervous. When she finishes, she’s too nervous to even look up at the teacher’s face, and just goes right back to her seat, blushing at the applause.

Despite that, the teacher seems really really pleased with her, and gives her the role of the cat. When rehearsal ends, she runs straight to Maruyku to tell Risette, and then runs home even faster to tell big bro.

 

Nanako is at rehearsals almost every night, and she’s so excited. Big bro helps her practice every night, and Risette sometimes even meets her at Junes and talks to her about how she can help keep her nerves together when she’s on stage. Souji’s foreign friend, Teddie, helps her practice the dances on his breaks at Junes.

The arts festival is just before summer vacation starts, and the play is the last exhibit on in the whole festival. The teachers tell them over and over it’s important they do well in their roles, otherwise they’ll let the whole school down. Nanako feels like she should be scared, but she’s having too much fun.

 

“This guy here told me about the school play, Nanako. You got the lead role?” Dad says, “Ha, that’s amazing.”

“Uh-huh,” Nanako says.

On the other side of the room, Souji looks up from his book, fixing Dad with a stare. Dad chews on his lip, his face all scrunched up. He always does that when he’s thinking about something.

“She got the role a week ago,” Souji says, very quietly, but in a tense, careful way that makes Nanako worry he and Dad are going to start fighting again. Dad winces, lighting a cigarette.

“Yeah, sorry, it’s been really busy down at the station. Everyone’s chasing their tails, trying to find this kidnapper, and the trail on the Konishi and Yamano cases are already going cold…” Dad says, and he sounds really tired like he always does, “I haven’t spent a lot of time here, huh?”

Souji looks back down at his book, his expression cold and scary. Dad doesn’t notice, just sits with his newspaper folded in his lap, his fingers tapping the paper.

“The festivals on the 24th,” Souji says, still not looking up, polite but managing to sound kind of angry at the same time. Nanako glares at him – he and Dad are going to end up fighting again before long, and Nanako can’t stand it. Even, maybe even especially, when they’re fighting over her.

Dad hums, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully.

“Well, I think I manage can get that off,” he says, and Nanako almost chokes on her juice.

“Really?” she gasps, “You’ll come?”

“Well, I think I can,” he says, and then stands, clapping Nanako on the shoulder, “I can’t miss my own daughter’s acting debut, can I?”

Nanako smiles so much her cheeks hurt, but there’s a little, nasty part of her that tells her he’ll miss it anyway. After all, he always does.

 

For the festival, Ms Takahashi wants them all to write a little introduction to themselves and their family, using a few of the kanji they’d been learning, and even draw a picture to go along with it. Ms Takahashi says they’ll put the finished drawings and writings all over the school on the day of the festival, so people walking around can stop to read them and learn a bit about all the different sorts of families in Inaba.

Nanako thinks it’s a little bit of a hard assignment, but they have until the festival to finish it, so she supposes it’s fair.

She draws a picture of herself, with her big bro and Dad, and she doesn’t know how to explain that her big bro is actually her cousin, but really her big bro, so she just leaves his label at ‘brother’. She doesn’t know how to explain about Mom either, so she just draws her with big angel wings and a halo, floating off the ground.

She wonders if she should put Teddie and Chie and Yosuke and the others on it too, but she’s not sure what names there are for those kinds of family members. Maybe she can ask Souji or Dad later. For now, she puts her drawing and the start of her essay in her folder at the end of class, and decides she’ll finish it later.

 

“One, two, three, one, two, three, Nana-chan, keep up!” Teddie crows, dancing so fast Nanako can hardly keep up.

“Teddie, these aren’t even the steps!” Nanako laughs, the cat earband almost dropping off her head. Rise leans across to adjust it on her head, and then goes back to try and keep up with Teddie’s dancing.

“Nana-chan, all dancing practice is good dancing practice!” Teddie says, grabbing her hand and twirling her. She laughs, letting Teddie dance her around the Junes food court, bumping into chairs and tables. She apologises a little to the other diners, a little embarrassed, but Teddie seems like he’s having so much fun she can’t bear to tell him off.

Hehe. Bear.

“Ted, seriously?” says a voice, and Nanako looks up to see Yosuke approach, wearing his Junes apron. He sighs, tapping his forehead with his fingers, “You know you’re on the clock, right?”

“I’m helping Nana-chan! Isn’t that more important than stocking shelves, serving customers…” Teddie says, and flicks his hair, “Really, Yosuke, you’re too cruel!”

“…Well, I can’t say this isn’t more important,” Yosuke admits, “But you’re on shift! They need you on the grill.”

“Alas, dear Nana-chan,” Teddie says, ignoring Yosuke’s eye-rolling, and grasps both of Nanako’s hands in his own, “I must return to my servitude. Even in your hour of need, my cruel master offers neither of us lenience!”

“Yeah, yeah, get back to work,” Yosuke says.

“Oooh, Yosuke, you’re due a break, right?” Chie says, through a mouthful of grilled steak, her feet up on the Junes table (even though Nanako _told_ her that was rude!), “Why don’t you help her practice?”

Nanako looks up at Yosuke. She’s never seen Yosuke dance, but he seems like he’d be good at it.

Yosuke looks down at her, and then sighs, and glares at Chie.

“…You really enjoy putting me on the spot, don’t you?”

“Yep!” Chie replies.

Rise grins at Yosuke and then leans over to her phone to skip back to the start of the song. Big bro picks his phone up and turns on the camera on it, pointing it at Yosuke. He glares at him.

“Real funny, partner,” he says. Souji just tilts his head.

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you the steps,” Nanako says up to him, patting his arm. He sighs, shakes his head, and then smiles at her.

“Alright, Nanako-chan, you go first, I’ll follow.”

Nanako takes Yosuke through the steps, and he picks up on it pretty quickly. Big bro and the others all stare at him a little funny though.

“Don’t you think it’s a little odd we can all dance?” Yukiko mutters across to Souji, “I mean I understand Rise-chan, but…”

“Don’t think about it too much,” Souji mumbles back.

They’re doing the last little move for the finale number, when Nanako’s ears fall off her head. She stoops, and finds the tail is lying on the floor a few feet away, having long fallen off the back of her skirt. She huffs and picks them both up. No matter how many hair pins big bro puts through them, they just won’t stay in place. She hopes they don’t do that when she’s on stage. It’d be really embarrassing.

“Uh, is that the final costume?” Kanji says suddenly. Nanako jumps.

She knows Kanji is really the nicest guy in the world, but he’s still so big and scary-looking, that sometimes he catches her off-guard. She feels really bad about it, though.

“Oh, yeah,” she says, as Rise clips the tail back on her skirt, “Kids in my class were meant to make them, but they left it kinda last minute…”

Kanji slams his hands on the table and stands up.

“Right. That settles it,” he says, and then rushes off. Nanako watches him go, wide-eyed and then looks up at Souji, confused.

“Is he okay?” she says.

“He’ll be fine, Nanako,” he says, and gets up, “So are we going to practice this one last time? I’ll treat you to lunch afterwards.”

“Alright!” Rise says, clapping her hands and hopping up and down on the spot, and rewinding the music on her phone, “From the top, everyone!”

“Hm. I’m starting to think you just like bossing everyone around,” Chie comments.

“Well I haven’t really had the chance to direct before. It’s fun,” she says, grinning, and then claps her hands, “Come on then, let’s run through it again! To your position, Yosuke-kun, chop chop!”

“Urgh…fine…” Yosuke mumbles, and he sounds so angry about having to do it, Nanako thinks about telling him to just sit down and let Chie or Yukiko join in instead.

But Souji says that sometimes boys Yosuke’s age pretend they don’t like things that they do, because they’re worried about what other people would think of them for liking it. And when he doesn’t think anyone’s looking, she’s sure she sees him smile.

 

The next time she sees Kanji, two days before the performance, he hands a package wrapped beautifully in paper and ribbons, muttering gruffly. Her big bro watches, smiling a little, as Nanako tears the wrapping off.

It’s a real cat costume, with big gloves shaped like fuzzy paws and a hood with ears on it, and a long skirt made of soft fur. Kanji promises it’s not _real_ fur, and seems a little horrified at the idea Nanako would think it was.

Kanji always gets embarrassed when someone hugs him, but Nanako can’t help it, she’s so happy she hugs him anyway.

 

Sometimes, when grown-ups are talking about things that kids aren’t meant to hear, they really underestimate how much kids can see and hear and understand. So, sometimes, Nanako hears things she knows she was never meant to. And she never knows what to do with the things she finds out.

Two nights before the arts festival, Nanako wakes up and hears her big bro, his voice quiet, but fast and angry. After a moment’s thought, she creeps out of her room, sneaking down the stairs as gently as she can. She can make out big bro’s voice better this close – he sounds mad. She can’t hear Dad though, and Nanako has only ever heard big bro mad when he’s talking to Dad.

“And there’s nothing you can do about it?” he snaps, like a cold blast of wind.

Though she risks being caught more the closer she goes, Nanako takes a few more steps down the stairs, staying very slow and quiet. She can see Souji through the doorway, pacing, holding the phone to his ear. He looks angrier than she’s ever seen him.

He paces back into the living room, out of her line of sight.

“I understand that, Dojima-san, but Nanako has been working so hard. The least you could do is turn up.”

Nanako feels her heart rate rocket in her chest, beating so fast and hard it feels like her throat and her chest is beating too, big hard pulses that hurt her whole body.

“Kubo-san? Someone came forward to take credit for the murders?” her big brother says, sounding shocked, and then his voice goes all quiet, “No, no, that’s none of my business. No, don’t know anything about it. Just glad it’s all over. …Yes. Okay. Fine. I’ll tell Nanako-chan you can’t make it.”

Nanako’s heart sinks, but she’s not surprised. Not even a little bit. When big bro tells her in the morning, she nods and listens and says she understands, and he tells her how mature and grown-up she is. Which is nice to hear, but she doesn’t feel very mature and grown-up at all. She doesn’t understand at all, and it makes her feel so small.

 

_My name is Nanako Dojima. I am six years old, and my birthday is October 4th. My favourite lessons are PE and music, and my favourite flower is the sunflower. My favourite food is omelette with rice. I like Risette, and Magical Detective Loveline._

_My family is me and my big brother. My family is small, but my big brother has a lot of nice friends who are like my brothers and sisters too. So I’m not lonely._

When Nanako hands in her drawing and her essay, Ms Takahashi looks at her a little funny, like she wants to ask her something, but Nanako goes back to her desk as quickly as she can. She doesn’t feel much like answering complicated questions.

Besides, if she draws Dad on there, and then he doesn’t turn up, all the grown-ups will give her all these sad looks. The same way they all look at her whenever someone mentions mothers. And then they’ll say awkward things to her, like they always do, always seeming panicked and guilty, making Nanako feel as though she should say she’s sorry for having a dead Mom. She’s sick of those kinds of conversations.

It isn’t fair that everyone else just gets to go home to a real mother and a real father and a real brother and sister, but it’s so much more confusing for her.

 

Backstage, everyone fusses over Nanako’s cat costume, and she feels a little embarrassed. It’s a lot nicer than the other costumes, she realises, and it feels a little like showing off. It doesn’t feel like anyone is mad though. Instead, all the other kids want to touch her fur, and a few ask her to twirl so they can see the skirt whip around.

The teachers ask her who made it, but nobody believes her when she tells them.

Yuuta, the sixth-grade boy playing the father, returns from checking the front of the hall, all excited and scared at one. Nanako feels like her whole stomach is full of butterflies, and there’s a big part of that just wants to run away and go straight home and hide there forever.

“It’s _really_ busy out there,” he says, “The whole town’s showed up!”

“Well, the town’s pretty small,” Honoka says, sulkily, “That’s not saying much.”

“No, really, there’s TV cameras out there!” he cries, and the cast descend into chaos, all of them rushing to peek out at the crowd, frantically adjusting their costumes. The teacher calls for calm, but upon peeking outside, sees that Yuuta was right. Nanako thinks she looks a little paler after that.

“You’re all stupid,” Honoka snaps, watching the others panic.

Honoka’s playing the flute for the musical numbers. She thinks the play is stupid, but she’s been staying just as long as anyone, practicing over and over. It clearly matters to her a lot. And the other kids, no matter how hard they worked at rehearsals or what their part is, all look desperate for the show to go well too.

Nanako swallows.

Rise said that when you have a big role in a show, it can feel everyone is laying their hopes and dreams on you, and it sometimes feels as though you’re carrying a big heavy weight on your back, while walking up a really steep hill. She sounded really far-away when she said it, like Dad does when he’s talking about Mom, or about something old and complicated.

Yet she also told Nanako that, even though it felt like that, everyone was helping carry that weight too, in so many little ways it was hard to take. The sign of a good performer, she said, was that they could smile even though they were scared and tied. A good performer, she said, could carry all of that and still look as though they weren’t carrying anything at all.

She said it a little sadly, but Nanako thinks she understands.

So when Ms Takahashi asks if she’s ready, Nanako smiles as big as she can, and says that she is.

 

As they hold their end pose for the first song, Nanako looks over the applauding crowd, trying to pick out Dad’s face. She knows that he _said_ he couldn’t make it, but what if he managed to get away from work early and come?

She looks out over the crowd, still breathing heavily from the dance number, over the faces of her classmates’ parents and siblings, the other students who weren’t part of the play, a few grandparents and teachers…

No Dad. He couldn’t make it.

Nanako feels something well up inside her, and she blinks hard and swallows to keep it away. It’s okay, that’s okay, she –

“Woohoo, Nana-chan!” screams a familiar voice from the back.

Nanako glances up to see Teddie standing up and waving at her frantically. Chie and Yosuke, sitting either side of him, attempt to drag him back to his seat, both looking embarrassed. Kanji’s next to Yosuke, leaning forward with a scowl on his face, the old lady next to him clutching her purse on her lap, her eyes almost bulging out of her skull. Yukiko sits on the other side of Chie, both hands clamped over her mouth, and Rise’s next to her, waving and beaming at the stage. Then, sitting on the end, with one arm firmly held by Rise, Souji watches her, waving a little, holding his phone up, the little light by the camera lit up.

Everything really is okay.

She gives them a tiny wave back, and then the next number starts. For the rest of the play, Nanako just focuses on giving the best performance she possibly can.

 

Nanako can’t keep the smile off her face as they do their bow for the audience, everyone standing and clapping (at the back both Teddie and Kanji are shouting a lot, and she sees Rise jumping up and down). Barely a second after the bottom of the curtain kisses the top of the stage, Nanako is tearing down the stairs and up the side of the hall, eager to ask big bro and his friends what they thought.

Before she can, a man with a microphone intercepts her, coming out of nowhere at all. A woman behind him, pushing around the biggest camera Nanako has ever seen, blocks the way as well.

“Um –“ she begins, but the man with the microphone interrupts, shoving the microphone practically into her chin.

“So, you’re the little star we saw shining so brightly tonight!” he says, way too loud. Nanako has met grown-ups like this before – ones that talk to you too loudly and stand too close. Nanako tries to like everyone, but people like this, there’s something about them that means she just can’t. Even though she doesn’t know why.

“Um, yes –“

“What’s your name?”

“U-uh, Nanako Dojima,” she stutters out.

“Well, you gave us quite the performance Nana-chan,” he says. Nanako doesn’t like that he immediately calls her that, but she smiles and nods. It’s always important to be polite.

“Thank you.”

“So, do you want to be an actress when you grow up?”

“Oh, uh –“

“You know, I think this uplifting play was just what the town needed, after the spate of awful crimes,” he says, “Have you heard that the nasty boy who’s been killing all those nice people has been caught, Nana-chan? How do you feel about that?”

“Wh-what? I –“

“Excuse me,” says a voice, and Nanako is so grateful she wants to cry. Rise slips by the camera woman and slides an arm around Nanako’s shoulders, looking the interviewer dead in the eye with the kind of look that would make Kanji run screaming.

“Oh, _Risette_? So is this your little sister?”

“That’s right,” she says, in her Risette voice, “And I think we can all agree she just gave a really great performance, and probably wants to have a little rest! I’m sure _we’ll_ be able to answer your questions later.”

“Oh, but Risette, don’t you want to –“

“’Ey! You guys wanna give it a freakin’ rest?” bellows Kanji, rushing up behind them. The camerawoman steers the camera around, pointing at Kanji’s scowling face. Behind him, Souji stands with his hand on his forehead, sighing.

“O-oh? The delinquent biker gang lord, Kanji Tatsumi, at an elementary school play?” he says, “After your appearance on that…less than kid-friendly midnight show?”

Nanako doesn’t know what the reporter is talking about, but Kanji turns bright red and looks even angrier.

“I told you, I ain’t a biker! Now quit pesterin’ Nanako-chan!” he snarls. Nanako takes the opportunity to rush past the reporter, grabbing Souji’s hand and hiding behind him. She feels a hand rest on her shoulder, and glances up to see Yukiko standing behind her.

“Yuki-chan too?” the reporter gasps. Yukiko only glares back.

“Well, looks like you have quite the little family, Nana-chan!” he says, leaning down to beam at Nanako. Nanako hides her face in Souji’s back, clinging to his hand. The reporter stands up, “Well, I’ll let you celebrate Nana-chan’s debut! Thank you for a _fascinating_ interview.”

“Y-you’re welcome…” Nanako breathes out, though she isn’t sure what was so fascinating when he wouldn’t even let her finish any of her answers.

The reporter and the camera woman wander off to go talk to some of the other kids and parents.

“Yeesh…I feel like we made kind of a scene,” Chie says.

“Yeah, _Kanji_ ,” Rise says, shooting Kanji a dangerous look, “You know I can handle nosy reporters, right?”

“Sorry, just can’t stand those freakin’ vultures pouncing on Nanako-chan like that,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck, “But hey, the play was great, Nanako-chan. You were so cute up there.”

“Yeah, great job,” Yosuke says, and winks at her.

“Uh…guys, I wanna congratulate Nanako-chan too, but everyone’s staring,” Chie says, and Nanako notices that a lot of the parents and teachers and other kids are staring, mostly at Rise, but some at Kanji and Yukiko too.

“Right. Come on, I think Nanako deserves a special dinner tonight,” Souji says.

“Ooh, a wrap party!” Rise says, clapping her hands and linking arms with Souji (for some reason, this makes Yosuke look weirdly irritated, and Chie mutter ‘ _Shameless_ ’ under her breath), “Let’s get a table at Aiya and spoil Nanako-chan rotten!”

It’s hard to squeeze them all into a booth at Aiya, and Nanako ends up squished between Yosuke and her big bro, but it’s so fun getting dinner in a big group she doesn’t mind. They tell her over and over again how well she did in the play, and joke and laugh, and Nanako doesn’t even notice Dad’s absence.

 

They play the interview that creepy reporter did with Nanako over and over on the local news that evening, with only a little bit of the footage about the rest of the arts festival. Nanako’s not sure why – it’s not as though she said anything interesting – but for some reason Rise, Kanji and Yukiko being there was a really big deal. She feels bad – her big bro told her not to upstage her classmates, but with so little being shown of the rest of the festival, she feels as though she did.

When her big bro sees it, he goes all pale and bites down hard on his lower lip.

“Are you mad?” she says.

“Hm?”

“You look all mad,” she says, as Kanji appears on screen and shouts at the reporter. “Should I have answered him properly? I’m sorry, I got scared, he was weird.”

“Oh, no, no, Nanako, that was fine, I’m just…concerned about something,” he says, chewing the inside of his cheeks. That usually means he’s thinking really hard about something, so Nanako leaves him to it.

 

At school, everyone wants to ask her about Rise, and sometimes even Kanji or Yukiko. They don’t understand why or how she’s friends with Kanji, and don’t believe her when she tries to insist that Kanji is actually really, really nice.

She’s never had rumours about her before.

She’s not sure she likes it.

Some people even ask why her big brother and his friends showed up, instead of her Dad. Others ask about why she calls Souji her big brother when he’s actually her cousin. Some girls, angrily, ask Nanako why Risette is hanging out with her, why Risette is saying she’s her big sister when everyone knows that isn’t true. A sixth grade girl asks her if she knows ‘what kind of girl Kujikawa-san _really_ is’.

Nanako tries to be polite, but she doesn’t always know what to say, and some people can be really pushy, and really mean. A sixth grader corners her at lunch, talking about a rude TV show that Rise, Kanji, and Yukiko have been on. He calls Kanji a “pervert”, and Rise and Yukiko a word much much worse. Although Nanako tells him to leave her alone, he doesn’t, not until a teacher walks by and shouts at him.

The teacher pulls her aside after school to ask if she’s okay, and then, very carefully, asks what Souji and his friends are like, and if Nanako has ever seen them do anything ‘unusual’.

Why won’t anyone believe that they’re all just good people? Everyone’s acting as though they’re all up to something nasty, or are bad and dirty somehow.

When Nanako comes home that night, she goes straight up to bed, wondering what on earth she did wrong.

Yet she can’t stop thinking one nasty thing, over and over, no matter how much she tries to push it away: she wouldn’t have to deal with any of this, if Dad had just come to the stupid play.

 

A delivery comes to the house.

 

Nanako doesn’t know this girl.

She doesn’t know this horrible house, either. It looks like her own, but bigger and cleaner, with more pictures on the walls. Photos of her and big bro, Nanako in a yukata standing between Souji and Rise at the shrine, Nanako riding Yosuke’s shoulders at the beach, eating an ice cream. Nanako as a baby, sitting on Yukiko’s lap, Chie sitting next to her with her arm around both of them, all three of them smiling.

Her and big bro on Nanako’s first day of school, all her birthdays, at Christmas and New Year, all these pictures of things that Nanako knows never happened. It makes her feel dizzy and confused just looking at them.

“It’s better here, isn’t it?” the girl says, smiling at her.

“Why do you look like me?”

The girl laughs.

“Well that’s a silly question.”

Nanako once saw an episode of Magical Detective Loveline, when Loveline was trying to track down the criminal mastermind, Devious Change. Devious Change was a master of disguise, and managed to disguse herself perfectly as Loveline, fooling the police and everyone and doing a bunch of crimes in Loveline’s name.

She’s sure that’s what this girl is. How else could she look like Nanako so perfectly? She has her face, her little snub nose, her hair, right down to the way her fringe sometimes stick up a little funny, and even her clothes are Nanako’s. Everything about her is identical, aside from the eyes.

She’s so scared. She can hardly see anything through all the fog, and she feels sick and dizzy and hungry. There’s fridges everywhere, but no food in any of them, just rotten things and shreds of old photographs.

“I want to go home,” Nanako says, and the girl laughs and laughs.

 

The girl brings out photo albums, and even when Nanako shrinks away, she keeps flicking through them, pointing at photos of all these things Nanako is sure never happened. Or maybe she doesn’t remember them? She’s not sure. The fog is making her head feel funny.

“Look, look, remember this? When big bro and Yosuke took us to the beach? He fell asleep and we half buried him,” she says, pointing at a picture of Yosuke up to his neck in sand, Souji and Nanako beside him, grinning into the camera. The girl turns the page, “Ooh, this was my favourite. Remember, our 5th birthday, when Kanji-kun made us that nice dress and big bro baked a cake?”

“I don’t…I don’t remember this…” Nanako says, and her voice sounds funny. Her tongue feels really big in her mouth, and she sounds like Dad when he’s been drinking alcohol.

“Sure you do!” the girl continues brightly, “Look, here’s a picture of all of us at Junes! Remember, big bro took me when it first opened?”

“No, that’s…I wanted to go to Junes’ opening party, but Dad couldn’t get time off work so we couldn’t,” she says.

“Dad? Who the hell’s _Dad_?” the girl snarls. Nanako winces back, as though she’s been struck. The girl smiles again, returning to the photo album.

“Well, that’s okay. We’ll just keep going until we remember things right,” she says, smiling and grabbing Nanako’s arm so hard it hurts, pulling her closer to look at the photo album, “I don’t care how hard I have to pretend.”

Everyone in the pictures is smiling and having such a good time. Dad’s never in any of them. Nobody in them is ever alone.

In a way, this place, these photos, it’s everything Nanako wants.

And that guilt is worse than anything else.

 

“I want to go home.”

“We are home!”

“I miss Dad…”

“Ha. Hahahaha! Don’t lie. We don’t.”

“He’ll be really worried.”

“He won’t,” the girl says, and her smile is so mean, Nanako hopes she never looks that mean. The girl gets up off the sofa and crosses to the TV, her hands behind her back. The TV just shows static, but sometimes the girl disappears and appears on the screen herself, talking about a funny family sitcom about a teen boy who becomes a father. Nanako has never heard of it before.

“He probably hasn’t noticed that we’ve gone,” the girl says, bitterly, and turns up the volume on the TV, the noise of static filling the whole room.

Yet over the buzzing, Nanako still hears the sound of footsteps and voices yelling outside, and she breathes in, imagining someone has come to save her.

“He’s home!” the girl cries, standing up and turning towards the door.

Nanako looks up, and sees Souji rushing in, a sword in his hand, the rest of his friends close behind.

“Nanako!” he shouts across the room. The girl steps in front of him.

“Welcome home big bro!” the girl says brightly, before Nanako can say anything.

“Nanako-chan, are you alright?” Yosuke says, looking straight past the girl.

“Y-yes,” she says, because even though she’s tired and feels sick and wobbly, she’s not hurt.

“Thank goodness, she’s still alright,” Yukiko says, waving a fold-up fan in front of her face.

“Let’s get her out quick,” Chie says, “Dojima-san’s been so worried –“

“That’s a laugh!” the girl interrupts, “If he was so worried, why didn’t he come?”

Nanako looks up, tries to tell the horrible girl to be quiet, but the words stick in her throat. She’s right. If Dad’s so worried, why did big bro come for her, not him?

“Nanako, it’s complicated. Dojima-san, _couldn’t_  come –“

“That’s always it, isn’t it. He couldn’t come. He couldn’t find the time. He couldn’t get home,” the girl says, her voice sing-song, “They’re all excuses. The truth of it is, he doesn’t care about me at all. So you know what? I don’t care about him!” the girl says.

“No, be quiet!” Nanako chokes out. The girl ignores her, staring at Souji.

“He’s not my real family. He’s never home, and when he comes back all he does is make things complicated! He makes promises he can’t keep, he comes home drunk, he never takes me anywhere or does anything with me!” she says. Nanako can’t stop shaking – how does this girl know about all these horrible things she’s thought about? She’s never ever told anyone.

Big bro and his friends are all staring at her, wide-eyed. She can’t let them hear this, she stands up.

“Everything would be much easier if it was just me and big bro,” the girl says, “I don’t need Dad.”

“Stop it!” Nanako says, holding onto the sofa and standing up straight, her legs shaking.

“I can’t never get Mom back. And, without her, we’ll never be the same family again,” the girl says, “But I can make a new family! Now I have big bro and you guys, we can be family. The only problem is Dad…he’s in the way. So he should just vanish! I want him to die, just like Mom did!”

 “That’s not true!” Nanako says, looking past the girl at Souji, “Big bro, don’t listen her! She doesn’t know –“

“Of course I do,” the girl says, and turns to look at her, “I’m you, Nana-chan!”

“No!”

“No, Nanako –“ Yosuke says, but Nanako doesn’t listen to him.

“You’re not me!”

The girl looks at her, her smile getting bigger and bigger, and she starts to laugh. All the light in the room is sucked away, as though every bit of darkness in the building was rushing towards the girl.

“That’s right!” the girl shouts, and the floor shakes so hard it knocks Nanako over.

In a flash of light, the girl vanishes. A tall woman in a mask towers above them, flapping huge wings made of scraps of grey fur.

 _I am a Shadow, the true self,_ the angel says, her voice loud and echoing, _I’ll make my own world, and anything I don’t want can just disappear!_

 

She isn’t sure what happens – she sees flashes of light and feels gusts of wind, and hears shouting and banging, and then the angel disappears, and big bro is by her side, propping her up in his arms. She blinks, her whole body aching.

“Big bro…” she mutters weakly.

“She’s alright…” Rise says softly.

“But the Shadow...” Yosuke says, looking over his shoulder. Nanako looks too and sees the girl has reappeared. Yet she looks so much sadder than before, just standing still and watching them all fuss over Nanako.

“Yeah, I don’t know it’s fair to make a girl as little as Nanako accept all that,” Kanji mutters.

Nanako looks at the girl. A Shadow? Her Shadow?

She tries to stand up, her legs shaking beneath her. Souji tries to grab her, but she shoos his hands away. Somehow, she knows this is the kind of thing she needs to be brave enough to do by herself. She approaches the girl, almost expecting her to say something else nasty, but the girl just looks at her. She looks so lonely.

“I’m sorry,” Nanako manages, “I – I have thought stuff like that before.”

“Nanako-chan…” Chie says, but Nanako doesn’t look back. She doesn’t want to see what her big bro and his friends think of her now.

“I do love Dad! And I don’t really want him to die…but sometimes I feel so lonely, and mad at him, and I always have so much fun with big bro and his friends. So sometimes I think it’d be nice if things were always like that,” Nanako says, and swallows, “So…I think you’re right. You are me.”

The girl nods, and her body dissolves into light. A slim woman in a golden dress, flowers braided through her long black hair, floats above her. There’s a mask on the upper half of her face, made out of autumn leaves. The woman glances down at Nanako, a gentle smile on her face, and then disappears, leaving Nanako feeling as though a warm breeze has blown through her.

“Tatsuta-hime?” she mutters, trying out the woman’s name in her mouth, and wondering how on earth she knows it.

Magic, it’s magic, she realises. And big bro and his friends have it too.

The blood rushes to her head and she falls back, and feels her big bro catch her. The other rush around her, all staring.

“Nanako-chan…has a Persona?” Kanji splutters, his eyes wide.

“I-is that what she is?” Nanako says weakly, looking across at him.

“We don’t have time to talk about it,” Yosuke says, “We need to get her out of here!”

They all nod, and big bro pulls Nanako onto his back. She wraps her arms around his neck, comforted by the warmth of his back, closing her eyes.

“Big bro…are you mad about what I said? About Dad?” she mutters. She feels him stop moving, just for a second.

“No, Nanako. Everyone sometimes nasty thinks things they don’t mean. Especially when they’re angry,” he says finally, “It’s okay.”

She sighs.

“I’m really glad,” she says. Even though her head still hurts and she’s still confused and guilty, and she's a little scared that Dad will yell at her when she gets home, she actually feels better than she has in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> For those interested, I imagine Tatsuta-hime learns Garu and Dia skills, plus some Hama! In all likelihood, nobody wants Nanako on the front-lines fighting, but if she did manage to argue her way into it, she'd probably use a ranged weapon. Bow and arrows maybe? That'd be cute as hell.


End file.
